It’s the time of year when I begin planning for the season to come. It’s always a challenge as I juggle our resources with applications for places on our programmes. I listen as parents make a “pitch” for their child, hoping a door will magically open for them to be included. He is toilet trained, can sit in a small group, doesn’t bite anymore, won’t run away, has improved speech and language, doesn’t need help eating or supervision in the playground.
The list goes on..My response remains the same .I don’t care what the child can do, or the limits that a medical label has placed on them. I want the opportunity to discover the essence of the child and begin our journey together from that place.
My questions on “what makes him laugh” or “when is she sad” or “how does he like to be loved” often bring strange looks, awkward laughs and a few “walk away” muttering how strange and “flakey” I am . Ha -tell me something I don’t know!
My personal “flakeyness” along with my vulnerability is my greatest strength (It wasn’t always that way..I have spent a lifetime unlearning !)
Every child is unique and special, however some, more unique than others, are labelled behaviourally challenged, emotionally disturbed, Autistic, handicapped, disabled. They are considered less than perfect in their appearance, speech patterns and their ability to develop .They become part of a society which views them as “less than” rather than “full of”…
Yet, each of these human beings are someone’s son, daughter, brother, grandchild , niece or friend. Their challenges may have resulted from genetic issues, birth traumas or accidents and infections and their quirky behaviour can often be baffling, annoying and downright confusing!
Their parents ride a rollercoaster of emotions as they encounter therapist, clinicians and “ologists” who only tell them what parents already knows…their child is very different and has challenges with learning, social integration and creating meaningful relationships with family, peers and local community. Parents continue with the testing and explorations, with the best intentions ,as gaining the “medical label” often means access to services and education and therapies, otherwise beyond their reach.
However, this label now adds another dimension to the problem, as each new person who encounters the label, brings a personal set of beliefs with them to colour their understanding of the child. This apparent essential “label” ,serves only to condemn many of these families to a future of negative expectations.
Now don’t get me wrong, I applaud the work of trained professionals and would never de edify their work in medicine and education particularly. We work in tandem with many “ologists” however, at Unlock Your Potential; we don’t care about the label. We believe every person – child or adult – still has all the potential they were born with right inside them. To date, you may not have “unlocked” it (ah come on..I couldn’t miss the chance!!) however, that doesn’t mean you CAN’T or you never will.
It just means, that so far, you have tapped into a portion of your gifts and talents and other possibilities still exist for you in the future.
Clinicians focus on helping the parent with the diagnosis and inform them of traits and tendencies applicable to the condition. In truth, they often have to present a stark picture of the complexities that lie ahead and in doing so, can outline a dismal future with lots of dependency and little independence.
For any parent, this is a tough place to be. I remember working with a Dad, who couldn’t see beyond the first few years of his sons life, because his belief around the doctors information, was that survival beyond ten years was unlikely.
When we visualised the 21st birthday party, or the shared fun at the pub quiz, the canvas was blank for dad and scared the wits out of him to even consider it. The anxiety, the lack of hope, the pit of stomach fear was carried every day by this man, and impacted on every aspect of his world.
I’m glad to report that today, both father and son are enjoying teenage life and preparing already for a mammoth celebration party at 21 !
The clinician has a moral responsibility to share the truth, no matter how challenging the picture. Unfortunately, this truth often robs parents of what they need most..Hope.
Hope brings possibilities, something to look forward to, no matter how insignificant and I like to hang my dreams on hope.
- Hope that these children will defy the odds, overcome their challenges and continue to lead long happy and fulfilled lives.
- Hope that parents will “lighten up” and applaud each other for a job well done and finally realise that they are their children’s best resource. ( No one knows your child like you do – irrespective of their academic background or prior learnings. )
- Hope that children are allowed space in the week to experience life through” being” themselves, rather than “doing” activities
- Hope we remember that our children are not “small adults” (thanks Dr. C for the reminder. ) and as such should not have to perform as one.
- Hope we all – together as One – pour love and compassion on our children daily, and leave our expectations of performance based development outside the door of our hearts.
I have amazing support from the leaders and tutors who engage through our programmes and I am so grateful for all they bring to our success. Fun, laughter, tears, compassion, skill, knowledge, commitment, expertise and love..and not an “ologists” in sight ! How bizarre.
The successful ingredient in our programmes is LOVE…yes, Love. Everything else is just a service or an activity that has a use, until it no longer satisfies a need.
My reality is that I want every human being – child and adult – to be exposed to the experience of Unlock Your Potential, because I know – intuitively and evidenced – that we make a difference in the lives of those we engage with – chatting, playing, encouraging, listening, coaching ,respecting, sharing or most times just being and allowing.
Finally,I hope that the loving, non judgemental attitude that flourishes in Unlock Your Potential will thrive as we embark on more adventures with our children ,young adults and their families.
Thank you for listening ..this blogging thing is fun !
Be brilliant !
MAC.
www.uyp.ie
Flowers created by the children in UYP as a tribute to Julie. This beautiful basket was added to by parents, leaders,coaches and friends who popped in to add their expression of love for Julie.
